


talk me down

by angelinqs



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, mentions of depression, trigger warning, venting through angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 22:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelinqs/pseuds/angelinqs
Summary: a vent through heavy dan and phil angst.





	talk me down

crisp, sharp wind cut through daniel howell’s ears. they were red from the chilly air, but it was nothing compared to the chill in his head. it felt as if one had taken an ice pick to the frozen dimension of his brain, repeatedly whacking at it until he couldn’t stand it anymore. when the pick finally broke through, dan assumed, he would have already taken the step off of the roof. tumbling down, down, down, until his body came into contact with the hard pavement below. 

the awful, choked sounds of his best friend’s voice disrupted the silence of his mind. 

“please, dan.” philip lester managed to say. “step away. i’m right here. just step into my arms, please, dan.”

the male’s bare, pale arms stretched outwards towards daniel, but he did not even turn his head. his gaze was fixated on the concrete beneath. when he hit it, he imagined what it might feel like. no matter how much pain it would cause, the voice in dan’s head told him that he deserved this. 

“and what?” dan stated quietly, directing it towards phil. “what if i don’t? i’ll just end up with these fucking voices in my head, phil. and then i’m going to be back to the drawing board. it’s an endless goddamn cycle. i might as well end it while i have the chance.”

phil was silent. he rose from his knees and took a step towards dan; prompting dan to take one step closer to the edge, still facing over the side. phil stopped - he rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. 

dan clenched his fists and bit down on his lip until blood was drawn. when he chose to take that step, everything he ever knew would screech to a stop. his youtube persona would die out, and the world would forget him eventually.

but phil. god, phil lester. he loved phil with all of his heart. he loved phil from the top of his curls to the tips of his toes. when he went through with it, they would never cuddle on a couch and watch game of thrones together. they would never film a video that left them laughing so hard, the camera would fall over. they’d never get to be dan and phil, their true selves, together, for the rest of their lives. phil sniffed behind him, coughing his tears up.

“i-i can’t stop you from doing this. i’m so sorry you’re broken, and i’m so sorry that i didn’t do all i could. i promise to do everything i can to fix you, to make you happy, to make you love, to make you laugh. i miss you, dan. i want to be able to love you as long as i live, and beyond. i just… i want to be able to talk you down.”

there was no acknowledgement, except for a slight relaxation in dan’s shoulders. 

as daniel stared at the pavement below, there was no argument within his head as he stepped off… off… off…  
-  
-  
-  
-  
-  
-  
-  
right into phil’s awaiting arms. he was unaware of the scream that had exited his mouth until phil was shouting right along with him, holding him close and kissing him softly. forehead, nose, lips, each cheek. shaking with tears, both boys touched foreheads.

“i’m so sorry, dan. i’m so sorry you feel this way. but we’re going to fix it. i love you, and i swear to god i’m going to make you happy again.”

“i’m already happy - you’re here, with me. you didn’t have to come.”

“i did. i love you, so, so much, dan. i’ll always be here.”

and they sat until sunrise, intertwined, always and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> suicide hotlines:
> 
>  
> 
> Argentina: +5402234930430  
> Australia: 131114  
> Austria: 017133374  
> Belgium: 106  
> Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05  
> Botswana: 3911270  
> Brazil: 212339191  
> Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)  
> Croatia: 014833888  
> Denmark: +4570201201  
> Egypt: 7621602  
> Estonia: 3726558088; in Russian 3726555688  
> Finland: 010 195 202  
> France: 0145394000  
> Germany: 08001810771  
> Holland: 09000767  
> Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000  
> Hungary: 116123  
> India: 8888817666  
> Ireland: +4408457909090  
> Italy: 800860022  
> Japan: +810352869090  
> Mexico: 5255102550  
> New Zealand: 045861048  
> Norway: +4781533300  
> Philippines: 028969191  
> Poland: 5270000  
> Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50  
> Russia: 0078202577577  
> Spain: 914590050  
> South Africa: 0514445691  
> Sweden: 46317112400  
> Switzerland: 143  
> United Kingdom: 08457909090  
> USA: 18002738255  
> Veterans' Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 838255


End file.
